The Hardest Time

Neko met my dad's cousin this past weekend out in Southold.  He asked how old she was and when I said nine months he commented that I was past the worst.  And yet I kind of feel more in the weeds now than ever.  Maybe some of it can be attributed to being sick and having a husband on crutches, but I just feel my day is filled with chores, that I'm failing as a mom since Neko isn't sleeping like she should and is sometimes whiny/clingy all day, and that I will never ever accomplish anything of consequence again. I still haven't been to the dentist or gynecologist, the dogs are months behind on their vet check ups, the baby journal only goes to New Years, other multimedia projects have been forgotten, I haven't done yoga alone since before Neko was born, I can't imagine how I am going to train for this marathon next Fall . . . We haven't even set up a nursery for her and it is going to be really hard to do that all on my own.  I just don't understand why people always say the first few months are the hardest.  Neko sleeps less and needs more interaction than ever.  If I'm not trying to get her to sleep then I'm feeding her in the hopes that she will eat all day and be full all night. Also why is it all me? When Reggie helps with Neko he simply buys me some time by keeping her from crying for an hour.  Granted he is on crutches and so can't do much with her, but at the end of that hour she hasn't learned anything, or eaten or been changed or cleaned or readied for bed.  All that remains to be done when I get her back.  The other day I stayed in bed all day pretty much as I was sick. I thought since she hadn't napped that Neko might fall asleep early at around 6.  I had tried to get her to nap from 4 to 5 and had given up, so tried again 6 to7 and failed. I brought her down to Reggie.  When I went back down a little after 8 to walk the dogs I asked if he had fed her.  He said he didn't know he was supposed to and that she didn't seem hungry.  So no part of feeding her every day for the past 3 1/2 months in the evenings had made any impression on him or created any pattern recognition? And she has to seem hungry, really? Like feeding her so she sleeps more than 2hrs at a time isn't motivation enough? I was just shocked.  Everyone I mentioned it to feels the same way about their husbands.  How can this be evolutionarily viable.  I showed such promise, how have I put myself in this position?

Liquid Gold

A friend gave me some surplus milk she had that she wasn't going to get to before it went bad (3 months in a normal freezer).  It has been such a lifesaver.  Especially this week when I have been sick and have had to take some decongestants that dry you up, it has been great to have an extra bottle to use over the course of a day.  I mix her milk with some vegetable broth that I made from the baby food book that was given to me with the Beaba and just have a big bottle to use as a supplement all day.  It has been such a lifesaver.  And it has helped me to feel free to have a babysitter as I know I won't be depleting my store to zero.  I am so thankful!  I'm not sure why she produces so much.  She has an electric pump but so do a lot of people.  I just use a handheld as my schedule hasn't required much pumping. She started pumping a lot from the beginning so maybe upped it then and it has just kept up.  I'm not sure but I am glad.  She tried to donate it, but said she didn't have much luck. There are some programs that do that, but I think only in some places.

Ferberizing Everyone

Starting on her nine month birthday and because I needed to take some NyQuil in order to stop coughing we decided to try to ignore the 3hr after bed time wake/feeding which is usually around midnight.  The first night she cried for about 15-20 minutes and then didn't wake up again until close to 5am.  In the past these attempts had always failed as she would cry for over an hour and then we would give up and feed her anyway.  Then last night, the second night of our new regime, I don't believe she woke up at midnight at all and didn't wake up for feeding until after 4am.  I say "don't believe" as I have quarantined myself in the guest bedroom with two doors slid shut between me and the family so that I can cough to my heart's content without waking the baby.  At 6am, one of our dogs went downstairs and barked to be let out.  Having seen his digestion from the day before I determined that it wasn't a diarhea issue and decided to ferberize him as well.  He eventually came back up and went to sleep.  What a success!  I did have some leaf throw up to clean up later that morning, but it was well worth not having to get up.

Movement Class

Despair not, just as I had written to Dionne, the dance instructor, about whether Neko should be in the pre-creeping or creeping class, she started crawling.  She isn't like crazy crawling all over but definitely making her way.  She can pull herself up to stand and can go from crawl to sit to crawl.  So just about at her nine month birthday give or take a few days.  She still doesn't babble syllables, but she seems to understand a lot.  It is pretty wild now to see what she can do.  This morning she saw a  toy of hers under the couch and crawled to get it.  She has so much more agency.
The toy she found is kind of funny.  Our babysitter Shirley brought over a "mommy's helper" toy that my friend had decided was too girly for his boy, Carlos.  It is a shopping cart with room for a baby doll and some food stuff and a cell phone.  Shirley said that Carlos was bawling when she left with it because he loves it. Hard to have to learn machismo so early.

Rated R Movies

Ok, the previous post was a repeat, but I'm going to chalk that up to mommy brain.  Regis says my memory has been erased since I've been pregnant.  I don't know if it is or not. It is true I don't remember anything he says we did last year.
I am beginning to think Neko might be a little to old for the Rattle and Reel movies at Landmark Sunshine.  The other mothers tend to have young babies. They are probably making the most productive use of their three month maternity leave before they go back to their important jobs rather than just being completely without purpose like myself.  In any case, there was a pretty violent rape scene in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo today and she was looking up at the screen. I had to forcibly turn her around and try to distract her.  The tend to show some dark stuff.  Last time we went was The Square where the friggin dog got eaten by a friggin shark on screen.  Seriously. BUUUTTT next week is Babies, which I am so excited about.

Development worries

So Neko is a bit behind in a couple of things.  She doesn't babble consonants, like she should be doing bah bah bah, but she only makes vowel, h, and y sounds along with clicks, burbles, and growls.  Also she isn't really crawling.  She should be doing a commando crawl.  She does sometimes cover some distance but it isn't clear how it is done, more like an inchworm with a stretch and rotating action where you can't really see her moving but the next thing you know she is on you.  I wasn't too worried, because I had heard and read that all babies crawl differently and that some never crawl, but then we went to a movement class and were told that all this propping her up to sit has been stunting her development.  Ever since Neko could sit we've been propping her up and letting her play. We thought it was great since then she could play independently, but apparently she should have been on her stomach on bare floors with bare legs developing her coordination and brain function.  Doh!  With the dogs and now we have mice it isn't really an ideal situation, but Dionne the instructor said we could undue our errors in just a few days of bare floor play.  She follows a school of thought that says that babies must go through all the stages of crawling -- commando, creeping, not sure what else -- or they don't develop properly in mind or body.  They even relate crawling to reading.  So we have some catching up to do.  Neko's friend Nick who is five days younger can bah bah and dah dah and scoot and put himself into a sitting position from pre-creeping.  I hope it isn't the lack of sleep stunting her growth.

Boobs

Well, one plus to having a baby who eats every 1 to 2 to max 3 hours is that my boobs are pretty much never engorged.  I haven't had to wear a bra the whole time, which is good since I hate wearing bras and they can lead to blocked milk ducts.  Also I'm hoping that means I won't have saggy boobs after I stop breastfeeding.  There does have to be a plus.
Three nights ago we had a great night -- 5 hrs then 4 1/2.  But, then back to the normal.  We entertained the good night, but we had people over the next night too and no luck.  Two nights ago we had a night of eating like every two hours, then Regis was up at five am to go to the hospital for knee surgery, then Dominic the dog was up at six am to go out since he has decided not to poop on our walks but on his own schedule and then I heard McNolte the other dog throwing up at seven am.  Can no one cooperate and hold it together in my time of need?